LESSON: ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT.
ANCILLARY LESSON: THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THE OFFER.
SECOND ANCILLARY LESSON: IF YOU DON'T REACH OUT, YOU CAN'T GRAB IT.
You know, for a...person who is considered...uh...nontraditionally attractive, I sure do get hit on a lot. Most of the time it's someone who is passing by on the street who comments on something obvious: my adorable boobs or my gigantic booty. A few compliments on my hair. Great. Nice. Whatever.
But then there's the actual propositions, like in a bar, where someone is obviously trying to get you to go home with them. In the last two weeks, I'd gotten demands from dudes to give me their number, requests to join them in a hotel room in ten minutes, and queries as to whether any one of the dudes in the band is "my fella". (Note: that last one, the guy was, like, 60, super creepy, and said this of every woman in the bar).
Now. I'd be lying if I said that pickup lines have never worked on me. Because they HAVE. But as always, it's timing and context that separates whether I'm leaving or if I'm leaving with you.
So, what's the difference? Easy.
1) Remember how you should Be Nice to everyone? Goes both ways. If someone lays it on for your benefit and you're not into it right now, be nice and say thank you while you refuse kindly. If dudeman doesn't take no for an answer, he's not being nice to you, he's now harrassing you. Find the bouncer you're tight with and have him taken out. You don't need that, and you'll be helping the next woman he'll be an asshole to.
2) Remember the golden rule: while a 1:45 am effort is adorable, an 11 pm effort would have been amazing. Are you worth a pre-11 am pass? Yep. Will you give this 1:45 am attempt your time? Well, that's your call. You've got 15 minutes before your kicked out of the bar. That's plenty of conversation to make a judgment call over an exchange of digits.
3) You want to know what the best pickup line is? "Hi. I'm ____________." That's it. Put yourself out there first, be nice, introduce yourself, and talk. A brief and terribly amazing time was had with a gentleman who asked me if I was a reader and what books I was into at the time. Another gentleman and I bonded over sports talk. And then there's those that you don't really have a clear tipping point, but more of just the right feeling.
4) If it's not your night tonight, that's OK. You have the right to accept the attention that someone is paying you, but you don't need to accept the offer right away. If you're not feeling it for whatever reason, then just don't do it. But if it's more of a "not right now" rather than a "not in a million years", then you have the option to set up something for later on. Again, if dudeman is looking for a this evening situation, then he can find it somewhere else. (and quite honestly, he probably will. No disrespect to you).
Okay, so the above is how to accept or politely decline a hit. But what if you're the one who wants to do the hitting? Well, not surprisingly, the reverse is also true. Be nice, and set yourself out there. Introduce yourself and have a conversation. And listen for Pete's sake. Your love interest might not respond, but then again, they might. And if you find you're ready to close the deal, all you need is three words.
"Leave with me". Swift. Decisive. Works every time. When you're ready, try it.
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