I read this article on Jezebel yesterday: http://jezebel.com/5856145/geeks-get-eating-disorders-too. And then I read it again. And again. And each time I got to the line, "No geek has ever looked at me, puffy and red-eyed, or bony thin, or exhausted from exercise and asked 'are you okay?'" I lost it a little bit more. I spent a good portion of last night crying for this anonymous woman; in fact, crying for the entire geek community.
Because if this woman, this fan of geek culture, feels abandoned by her own kind, and destroys herself because of it, is not "OK", then, really, not one of us is OK.
I admit that I have a revulsion to geek culture, similar to my revulsion of religion. I'll happily discuss details of either with individual followers, but if I have to step into a chapel (gaming/comics store), I get sweaty and nauseous. And I will never EVER step into a Cathedral (convention) lest I get identified as a Heathen/Witch (non-geek/ugly chick) and burned (burned).
I can hear everyone piping up: But X convention is completely different! There's, like, hundreds of women there! It's fan-run! Blah blah blah.
I'm here to tell you, it isn't. Hatred of women is endemic in gamer culture. And it's what keeps me from being a geek, no matter how much I would love to participate. And I know I'm not alone. There are tons of women who are terrified of participating because of this. The brave few who manage to get there without having been affected by rampant sexism, harrassment, or even assault have my admiration. Because I cannot and will not enter into that hell. I'd sooner go to Boot Camp.
So, gents, and ladies, too: how do we stop this bullshit? Well, it starts with this: If you want your peaceful, Advanced Society, you have to be a better person.
The take away lessons?
1) Preferences are not norms. Alright. Everybody's got a type that gets them going. That is not news. But only going with one type is not an attraction, it's a fetish. Don't believe me? Look at Hugh Hefner. Guy's a creepazoid. Admit that you have preferences, but don't disparage what's outside of them. Because one person's 4 is another's 10. And don't make that 10-lover think he or she's wrong for it. There's room for us all here.
2) Don't become the bullies you hated. I know, you don't even realize it when you insult someone. But when you call out someone based on their looks alone, you are rendering them two-dimensional. They aren't people anymore. And we need people in this society. Real, three-dimensional people. Not avatars.
3) Stand up for your friends. Loudly. You know, in all those inspiring teen comedies, the one sweet jock who stands up for the pipsqueak nerd and keeps him from being beat the fuck up? You can be that sweet jock, too. Everyone's going to josh each other, that's what gamers do. But you know when it goes too far. It's well within your power to tell someone who's being a jerk that they need to stop it. And if that jerk continues? Well, you don't need to hang out with him or her. Simple as that. Nothing teaches a bully to quit what they're doing than saying so straight to their face and taking away their power by playing without them.
4) Assume that they know. And then ask anyway. If you see one of your friends going through a hard time, don't pepper them with Know it All bullets, but ask how they're doing and how you can help. And keep at it as gently as you can until you can get an answer. If someone isn't the chipper person you remember, there's a reason behind it. Help them. You could be saving their life.
Geeks: you want to be Professor X. You want to be Gandalf. You want to be Superman. By lifting us all up instead of tearing some of us down, you will be.
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